Pony Problems
by mamabot
Summary: Yes, another crack fiction by me and the boys. This starts off very serious, but ends... on the floor. Beware of the silent ones. Cast? Knockout, Soundwave, Megatron, Optimus, Shockwave, (The TFP crew) Ultra Magnus. Special appearance by Seaspray... and a few horses?


**Summer Crack Fiction: Oct 2012**

Universe: TFP

Rating: Starts serious, goes silly. K

Reason? Three boys and their Mom is a bot-head and 5k miles.

Disclaimer: (1) Do not partake of Dark Energon, bad side effects. (2) Beware of the silent ones. (3) Of course Hasbro didn't approve of this, are you nuts?

Both Autobot silo and Decepticon _Nemesis_ decipher the next set of coordinates at the same time. Instantly, they gather their teams hearing the other's proximity signal as well. Near simultaneously, they get the signal of incoming battle ships of both factions coming in as well. Torn as to which signal to intercept, the warp gates open. And then all Pit and Hell break loose.

Ultra Magnus and Shockwave are in heated ship to ship battle in the outer edges of Saturn's rings. The ships are getting closer thus heavier artillery is coming out as the ships come closer to their faction's rendezvous teams. A last ditch effort to throw the other assailant off, is just over Earth's moon. The weapons exchange causes Magnus' ship _SledgeHammer_ to spiral through the atmosphere crash into Nemesis and driving both ships into the ocean.

Shockwave's own _Botlz_ was sent off trajectory as well, crashing into the Autobot silo during the warp gate operations.

Dreadwing, off Nemesis within his _Deadblowhammer_, witnessed the events. Seaspray's _Hammerhead_, tearing off of _Sledge's _side (due to shrapnel to the engine intake) follows Shockwave's ship into the spin, colliding into the silo as well.

Starscream picked the wrong time to try stealing Energon from the Autobot silo.

The crashes co-inside with warp gate operations. Both warp gates open up on top of each other along with crashing warp engines over loading. This causes them all to get thrown into an alternate universe.

~~00~~

The flash-blast dissipates. Knockout opens his eyes and moans. He feels like Nemesis landed on him. He tries lifting his head but things look odd so he lets it fall back down.

"Hey! Watch it fleshling!" a very strange sound comes from below Knockout's head.

It sounded like equine language. More bewildering, he understood it. Once again, he lifts his head and tries to roll to his peds. Those aren't peds. They looks like-, "Oh Primus Oh Primus OooH PRIMUS! I've gone a cracked my processor and now I'm hallucinating." He looks down at his hooves.

"What are you whining about, you- whaaaaaaat is going on!?" A grey buffed equine retorts.

Knockout turns to look at the sound of the voice. "Uh, Lord Megatron?"

"Well who the Pit else would I be?" The grey war horse with a long sliver horn projecting from his forelock snorts and rolls to his hooves. That's when it hits him, "What have you done now PRIME!"

"I haven't done anything, Megatron," another solid and buffed war horse of pure snow white color also with a white horn of bone coming from his forelock retorts.

"You're a horse!" The silver-grey one snorts.

"Well you look like a unicorn," Prime actually snorts back in jest.

"Technicality, technicality," the grey head swishes from side to side, tail twitching as well in agitation.

Knockout, a beautiful cream Palomino, prances around in circles trying to get this all figured out. "Watched, Prancer," the light and sleek Arabian of black side steps out of the stallion's way.

"Arcee?" He stops suddenly and just gapes.

Arcee turns a slaps him in the face with her tail, "Not even if horses fly, 'Con."

"WHEeeeeeeeeee!" Everyone turns to watch a light colored Thoroughbred race right between them and over the hill. Up the next one and then, and then… out of sight and back right through their grouping.

"Oh Primus, I'm too old for this manure." All heads turn to the tired but still very strong Belgian draft horse of dabble grey and parted forelock. Proud and firm, ready to shove anything aside that dares question him.

Optimus trots over to him, "Ultra Magnus?"

"In the living horse flesh," he grunts with authority. Prime whinnies in laughter. Just for that, the Belgian shoves the white war horse in the shoulder with his broad muzzle making the slightly lighter unicorn stumble.

"Look at me! I can fly again! I can fly, I can fly, I can fly! Wheeeee," Now the attention has turned to the white and black Pegasus chasing Blur across the rolling hills of South Dakota. "I'm gonna get you now Auto-uh- horseocon.

It's the grey unicorn's turn to drop his head in shame, "Oh Primus, why do you hate me so?"

"You really had to ask that, didn't you?" squeaks a white fluffy Persian cat with a pink collar on the rock beside him.

The Arabian lowers her head and sniffs the cat, "Miko. I would know that cell phone anywhere."

"Cell phone! Cool, can't wait to catch a pic of all of you." The fluffy thing turns round and round trying to get to the phone on her neck.

"I needed that!" A sturdy Chestnut with a white chevron mark to his forelock snarks to the young yellowish Mustang.

"Bee, give that back to him," the saddle marked Beagle chomps down on the other end of the stick the Mustang has in his mouth. A tug of war begins.

Arcee widens her eyes, "Raff?"

A black lab also sidles up to the commotion. "Come on Ratchet, let them have some fun, I'll help you out."

The Chestnut just stares at the lab, "Jack?"

The Labrador shrugs, "Yeah, well could be worse. I could be him," and tosses his head towards the thick coated black Beauvais with streaks of silver around the muzzle. "Fowler."

"What's it to ya, pup?" Fowler snaps back.

Ratchet turns to now calm Optimus and Ultra Magnus, "What are we going to do?"

"Lord Megatron, how do you plan to proceed from here?" A stout and proud English War horse with one golden eye approaches and bows regally to the silver unicorn.

Megatron turns nearly striking his chief scientist with his horn by accident, "Oh Shockwave. Glad you are here. Now what the Pit is going on? What have you been working on and how did the Autobots interfere to cause all this?"

Shocked, Shockwave stammers, "Uh, I… um,…. This isn't my doing, my liege." He pulls himself to his full height but respectfully steps back. He turns to the next approaching horse. No one heard him approach, just saw his shadow fall across their's. "Are you working with any trans-dimensional equipment, Soundwave?"

The horse who's hide blends into the surrounding landscape merely shakes his head.

Megatron pushes between his two leading scientific officers and strides straight up to the white unicorn striking horn to horn, "PRIME!"

The white one strikes back then steps back, "Get yourself under control. We need to work together. We had nothing to do with this either, but we can help. Ratchet, Ultra Magnus, get together with Soundwave and Shockwave. Figure this out before some one gets hurt."

"Too late," Miko hacks, spitting out a hair ball. "Eww, what's that?"

"Uh guys, little help?" Everyone turns to the sound of the bubbling voice coming from a glass container looking like a wrecked Wrecker's shuttle.

"Seaspray?" Another huge burly horse, definitely a cross between two of the larger breeds found on Earth, Bulkhead gasps and then charges the strange container.

Swiftly Ratchet cuts off the Clydesdale before he can break the glass spilling the huge seahorse onto the open plains.

Ratchet shakes his head, "This is just tooo, weird."

"For once Autobot, I agree with you," Megatron nods. "But unlike you, I will be out of this predicament first. Now! Begin!"

Ratchet turns away from the arrogant one muttering a few equine curses and joins the two science minded -erm- horses? Arguments soon ensued between what happened and what should happen.

But before the argument can proceed much further, Blurr (being chased by Starscream) busts into the huddle with the lead officers: "Sirs and sirs we got bigger problems coming this way!"

"What could possible be a bigger problem, Blurr," Ultra Magnus scoffs.

"Humans that fly and have wheels!"

Optimus just stares. Shockwave scowls, "Completely illogical and impossible."

Ratchet snorts, "Try saying that while you're not standing on four hooves, smart-ass!"

Shockwave strikes a rear hoof at the grumbling shorter one. The shorter one strikes back. Megatron lunges at Prime. Ultra Magnus shoves Soundwave out of the way making the hawk on his shoulder take to the air nearly being struck by the incoming Pegasus.

"You know it really isn't a problem to me, but there are six ground vehicles coming this way with humans on board. The last two are full of sparklings screaming out their pick of your contingents. Your Bumblebee and the Beagle Boy have already been captured. I'm just saying-"

The sound of an incoming helicopter sends the Beauvais moaning. Wisely, the others stop their fighting and access the next course of action: Away from the humans.

"Wait for me!" The bubbled voice comes from the water filled container with the trapped Wrecker-equine/fish.

Ultra Magnus rushes to the side of the container, "Prime, I shall stay with my troops. Go, you must not be caught."

Tipping his glimmering horn, the Prime respects the duty Ultra Magnus holds so dear: Do not leave your troops behind. "Very well. We will return."

Ultra Magnus smiles, "I have the utmost faith in you Sir. Now go, no time to waste."

Wildhorse Rescue Commission in their helicopters and ATV's come up behind the Cybertronians-turned-equines. Wisely, they all stamped away from the encroaching humans. One little girl can be heard screaming at the top of her lungs. "I wanna the silver uni-corn. Gi-me Gi-me Gi-me! Here pony pony pony, wait for me. I'll take good care-a you."

Battlefield tactics kicked in. The equine-Warlord was no fool. He could see they were being herded into a trap. Breaking away, he cut left sharply. "You Autobot fools! Those puny humans will never catch me!"

"No Lord Megatron! NOOOO!" The white and black Pegasus called from above, "STOP!"

"I shall not listen to you!" Megatron tosses his proud head and continues to bolt full throttle towards:

"Oh, fragggggg!" Over the plateau cliff, the silver unicorn plunges. His black tipped hooves clawed at the air, but there was nothing he could do. The rocky ground below is rushing up to met him and seal his fate. "Unicron or unicorn, Primus you really hate me, don't you!" And he screamed as his world began to turn black.

Thud-crunch!

Megatron wakes up face down on the floor panting, scared and screaming. But his body stopped moving. Carefully he raises his helm and looks down his metallic body. Patting himself down, very pleased to see himself in a Cybertronian form, he tries to figure out what happened. It was so … real. Sitting there, alone on the floor, ponders if it really did happen.

~~00~~

Knockout walks onto the bridge, seeing Soundwave monitoring Megatron's room via security camera. The normally stoic mech is softly chuckling, which freezes the vane mech in his tracks. Then he sees what is on the screen. Megatron in a near panic, gasping for breath patting himself down. Then sitting there, pondering, shaking.

Knockout carefully asks the silent mech, "I had no idea you had a sense of humor. And at Megatron? What is so amusing?"

:Megatron dreaming of being an equine: And the chuckling begins again. A claw wipes a bit of moisture dripping from under the mask.

Knockout ponders what he just heard along with Soundwave's leaking mask. It stuns him making his head spin. "Wait a nano second. Are you laughing yourself to tears because our glorious leader had a nightmare about being turned into a _horse?!_"

Soundwave tisks his claw :You warned him to refrain from the dark Energon: (chuckle) :Lesson learned?:

Knockout snorts, "Not unless he became one with fruity scents and rainbow colors. Then he might actually listen to us."

Soundwave waggles his head :Good point:

Megatron sighs heavily. To distract his processor, he flips on his personal berth side monitor to the Earth television airways. And screams in horror.

Soundwave keels over gripping his sides in hysterical painful laughter. Knockout can't help but lean in at what would scare Megatron so badly but make Soundwave actually fritz in humor. Through the bits of laugher and screaming, he can hear the theme song to **My Little Pony?**

Knockout kicks the mech on the floor, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?!"

:Communication malfunction. Lazerbeak to blame.:

Knockout shakes his head holding his hands up in defense, "I want nothing to do with this!"

_**SOUNDWAVE!**_

can be heard both through the com lines and down the halls.

Knockout shakes his head and distances himself from the perpetrator, "I'll meet you in the morgue. Shall I have your remains remitted to the scrap yard or the glue factory?"


End file.
